Pet Loss Support Resource Center

Caring for a terminally ill or geriatric pet can be a challenge, often involving special care routines, frequent veterinary visits, and intense worry. Knowing that the time you have left with your beloved pet is limited can cause stress and anxiety. You may find yourself hoping for a natural death, or the “perfect” death.

Many pet owners experience anticipatory grief at this stage of their pet’s journey. Anticipatory grief occurs prior to actually losing your pet, and consists of a range of emotions including fear, guilt, anxiety, and frustration. Anxiety surrounding the anticipation of death is normal, but allowing the anxiety to overwhelm you can interfere with your ability to enjoy the remaining time you have with your pet.

Being prepared for this stage of your pet’s life is the best way to deal with anticipatory grief, and help your pet. Begin preparing and planning for your pet’s passing by asking yourself the following questions:

• How do I envision the last few moments of my pet's life?
• Where do I want the last few moments to take place? Who should be present? Is there anything I don’t want to happen?
• How do I feel about euthanasia?
  Do I understand the process? Do I have questions for my vet?
• What can I do now so I can look back and think, "This was the perfect passing?" and "I have no regrets?"
• Are there any “bucket list” items I want to experience with my pet? What can I do to make my pet feel extra special?

While it’s extremely difficult to face the prospect of life without your pet, answering these questions will help you prepare as your pet’s time draws near. Thoughtful, advanced planning will help alleviate much of your anxiety so you can focus on providing your pet with compassionate physical care. Making your pet’s last days extra special, with lots of love, and their favorite toys, activities, and food also may ease your grieving heart.

If you are experiencing anticipatory grief, or find it difficult to answer the above questions, an in-home consultation with one of our veterinarians may be beneficial.

Grief is different for everyone, including how long they grieve. Some people even feel that moving past their grief means they’re being disloyal to their pet. But moving forward isn't being disloyal, and you’ll start to know when you’re ready to begin the healing process. Time really does tend to mend a broken heart, and eventually you’ll start to know when the time is right for you. Throughout this page, you'll find plenty of resources designed to help you both grieve and overcome the loss of your pet, enabling you to move forward and live your life comfortably with the fond memories of your furry friend in your heart.

Helping Children with the Loss of an Animal Companion

The death of a beloved animal is often a child’s first experience with loss. It is normal for children to experience grief that may come and go with different levels of intensity for some time after a pet’s death. It can be challenging to parents and caregivers to know what to do for, what to say to, and how to help children who are hurting. Following are a few articles about how best to help a grieving child.

• Pet Loss and Children: Helping Kids Understand In-Home Pet Euthanasia
• Should Kids Be Present for the Euthanasia of Their Beloved Pets?

Animal Companion Loss Books for Children

• Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corrine Demas
• Jasper’s Day by Marjorie Blain Parker
• When a Pet Dies by Fred Rogers
• The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst
• My Pet Died: A Coloring Book for Grieving Children by Dr. Alan Wolfelt

General Loss Books for Children

• The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia
• How I Feel: A Coloring Book for Grieving Children by Dr. Alan Wolfelt
• Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children by Doris Stickney

Helping Animals with the Loss of a Companion

Just as grief is both a universal and yet individual experience for humans, so it is for animals, meaning that while all animals have the ability to grieve, the expression of that grief may vary from animal to animal and from loss to loss.

However, it is important to be aware that animals have a much healthier, more instinctual relationship to life, and thereby to death, than do most humans. Animals don’t have a psychological fear of death. In fact, they carry none of the psychological baggage surrounding death that so many humans do.

This doesn’t mean that they don’t grieve -- they certainly do. But, it does mean that they don’t create psychological suffering for themselves in regards to death via guilt, blame, regret, self-recrimination, and fear of the unknown the way that humans can.

An animal’s grief experience is a mindful one, always anchored in the present moment rather than caught up in regrets about the past or anxiety about the future. In this, animals have a great deal to teach humans about grief, just as they do about life.

If the surviving animal had a close relationship with the newly deceased, you may notice the following grief responses:

• Changes in eating habits
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Retreating from socialization
• Withdraw into solitude

These responses will vary from species to species as well as from animal to animal. However, in general, the more social the species, the more likely the animal is to respond to the death in a manner clearly recognizable as grieving. And, as with humans, the closer the two individual animals are, the more likely it is that the one left behind will grieve.

It can help to remember that as a family, you will all be facing the challenge of creating a New Normal after your beloved pet’s death. This can be as unsettling, daunting, and even scary for the non-human members of your family as it is for the human members. Approaching each other (and yourself) with extra patience, kindness, affection, support, and love can help everyone with this transition. Doing so in honor of the family member who has died is also one of the best ways to memorialize them.

Healing from a pet’s loss, including how long you grieve, is an individual process. Some people fear that moving past their grief means they are being disloyal to their pet. But moving forward is natural, and does not mean you love or miss your pet any less. You will carry your pet in your heart as you move forward.

You will know when you are beginning to heal. As the adage says, time mends a broken heart, and your love for your pet will begin to outweigh the sadness of their loss. You will be able to fondly remember good times with your pet, their unique personality quirks, and their smile. We are sharing these resources to help you during your healing journey, with ways to memorialize your pet when you feel ready.

Moving Forward

As you begin to heal, it can be helpful to engage with other people in a variety of ways. Support groups, social activities, and community service can all help with the healing process. We find that getting out in your community and donating time can be therapeutic, and helps many of our clients heal. If you feel ready for this step, consider volunteering at a local hospital, museum, zoo, aquarium, animal shelter, rescue group, or nursing home. You might also consider certifying your surviving pet as a therapy pet, and volunteering together at hospitals or nursing homes. Your service can be animal-focused, as a tribute to your pet, or completely unrelated.